I have thought long and hard about this post. It is a reaction to my friend Rachel's post on her blog, Called to Grow. You can read it here: Trophy Wife Tuesday. I hope for this to be an intelligent, not emotional, reaction to Rachel's blog (I think I fail there towards the end). And I hope she doesn't take this personally.
At first, I thought her post was a joke. Mostly, because, the Rachel I know is a head strong, independent woman. But after I finished it, I realized she was serious and I got seriously concerned. The term "trophy wife" is usually, in my experience, a derogatory term. Rachel sites Websters definition, well, I site Urbandictionary.com: 1. A young, attractive woman married to an older, more powerful man.
2. a woman who marries for money and sits at home all day looking pretty
3. A typically educated girl who marries rich and is a home maker or who's roll is to stay home and look pretty, play tennis, do charity etc. Lots of girls now a days go through college then take this roll because they are the perfect girl for a certain person and would rather spend their time at home and let their husband bring home the bread. They are the girly girls.
I site Urbandictionary.com because it is a Wiki, and while it may not be an "authority" like Websters, it does site the common knowledge of the masses. And those three definitions are what common knowledge says about trophy wives. And in my eyes, they are not favorable.
In my own opinion, a trophy wife lowers a woman's rights and status to little more than a piece of meat to be traded. In those two words, multitudes are said, including that a woman's fate is not her own for deciding, but that she is at the mercy of a man to see her as worthy and bring her up to his world of money and luxury (assuming that a woman can't achieve that on her own), it also says that a woman can be discarded just as quickly as she ages and loses the beauty that brought her to her status.
Rachel also consulted askmen.com, reading an article called Fine Living: How to find a trophy wife. She claims that this article has "some meat to it". Well, I disagree. Just because it says that a woman should be college educated, doesn't make it ok that they also say:
"Forced intimacy: You may have doubts about her intentions when the only names she calls out during sex are those of dead presidents. "
"Capital depletion: Outrageous spending binges are par for the course, so when you blow up over the monthly statements, expect a singular defense: trophy wife entitlement."
"Ask yourself what you expect from such a union, what roles you expect her to fulfill, and be ready to negotiate. Imagine the time and energy you intend to devote to sealing the prenup; it’s common sense to apply equal planning to the marriage itself."
These three quotes show that a trophy wife is nothing more than a sexual slave, status symbol and someone who needs to be babysat and not trusted.
And then, Rachel lists a long list of scripture that shows the virtues of a trophy wife. Well, I am going to list a few examples of my own from the bible that speak to the role of woman and their rights:
Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
1 Timothy 2:11-15
Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing.
So, these are my examples of why I disagree with Rachel that being a trophy wife is something you should strive for. But, I want to try to express it in my own words.
My thoughts are, if you want to improve yourself, that is AWESOME. We should all try to be the best versions of ourselves that we can. However, we (man or woman) should have the self-confidence to do that for ourselves, not for our husband or wife. No one should attach their self worth to how good of a husband they can catch. Because, if you love yourself and have a sense of self worth than you won't attract someone who will treat you badly, or who doesn't want the best for themselves as well. When both people in the relationship are happy with themselves, it makes for a lovely match. No one should have to improve themselves in order to be equal to another. You are perfect the way you are. You are the light of the world ... oh wait, I am starting to sound like Jesus. Crazy me. I can tell I am getting petty, so I will leave you with a link to more awesome biblical quotes that will teach all of us women what are place is in life and exactly how men should treat us.
Why women and the bible don't mix
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Unfortunately you don't sound like Jesus, exactly the opposite. God's Word tells us that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."(Romans 3:23). I am actually offended that you would compare yourself to my Savior. I know that you may not understand our Christian beliefs or the cultural context in which the Bible was written because I know that I don't know everything about the cultural context either. I understand that you may not view things the way that I do, but that is ok. I can love you as a person and respect your views without feeling the need to "Start a fight on my blog." I hope you haven't ruined your friendship over a difference of opinion. The way you have stated your views is a bit offensive and has probably hurt her feelings. A better way to address the issue would have been to approach your friend in love and express your concern about her views to see if she could explain them to you. I hope in the future you will talk to her about your concerns before questioning her beliefs in a public forum and inviting others to do the same.
ReplyDeleteI think Anja's point was that one should improve themselves for themselves, not to be subservient to a man. She has no desire to hurt anyone's feelings, and if someone is going to put on a public forum their personal beliefs of how women should act, then she has the right to re-count her own beliefs in the same said forum. She clearly states that she wish this be an intelligent debate, not an attack of each other's beliefs. I consider myself a Christian, as I was raised Roman Catholic, but even I know that there is a difference between what the Bible says and reality. For the Bible states, in both the Old and New Testaments that it is ok for men to rape women, for it is their claim for a wife. Now we all know that that is clearly not ok, or legal for that matter (Deuteronomy 22:24; Jeremiah 13:22). For if one is going to go by the Bible, shouldn't they take into account all that the Bible dictates? And if that were the case, the United States would look more like life with the Taliban than a culture full of free-thinking, strong, and powerful women. For the Bible states that the women whould either shave her head or cover it when attending church and remain silent through the duration, and only speak when the husband and wife return home (1 Corinthians 11:5-7; 14:34-35). I'm pretty sure that's how Taliban women act. If you think about it, they are the ultimate trophy wives. They follow the law that is dictated in the Bible, in reference to how a woman should behave, to the letter. So what Anja is saying, is that someone should improve themselves on their own account to be a better person...not because it is the duty to submit to the man.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very healthy discussion and should not be taken personally. It is clearly the statement of two sides to the same end: That improving oneself is a positive change.
I never questioned Rachel's beliefs. I question whether the Bible is the best place to base women's rights and the way we view ourselves as women. And, before you speak of what I know and don't know, you should ask me how much I know about Christianity. I am only an atheist of three years, I grew up in the church and know just as much about it as your "average" follower. It is pretty hard not to, growing up in the South.
ReplyDeleteI hope I didn't ruin my friendship with Rachel either. I will let Rachel speak for herself on that count. I didn't mean to be hurtful, but I think as bloggers, writing is one of the best forums we have for being able to defend our views. I have invited a conversation with Rachel, and, seeing as how she spoke first I don't think I have done anything offensive. If I had based this blog off of a conversation we had, that would be offensive, because it would not have been part of the public forum.
I was greatly offended by Rachel's blog and this is how I chose to express my (equally as researched) opinion. I think the only one being judgemental here is you.
And the only thing I meant was "sounding like Jesus" was the "light of the world" comment. And furthermore, my "starting a fight" comment is only to try to boost ratings. I really do want to hear everyone's opinion on this TOPIC, not on how good of a friend or person I am.