The people my mother warned me about

Disclaimer: This is one of those posts that are going to make people feel sorry for me. That isn't my goal. I talk about this stuff because I think it is important for people to understand how this kind of ignorance/hate effects the people it is directed at. It is only through that understanding that any real change can be made.



When I came out to my mother, I remember her saying that she was sad because "this is going to make your life harder." And I remember thinking that was a crazy thing to say. After all, I like being gay, I have no inner turmoil. I am lucky enough to not have a religion that bans me to hell for it and my family accepts me. And on a day to day basis, my life is not harder. I am in a committed, monogamous, and blissfully happy relationship with very little squabbling. I would say I have it pretty darn good, not HARDER.

Meanwhile, I am living my happy little life and money is a little bit tight. So, I come up with a brilliant plan to nanny part time for the woman that I do freelance for occasionally. I have been at her house while she is trying to work and her kids are begging her for things every few moments and thought to myself, 'How does she work like this?'. So like any good entrepreneur, I saw a need and thought I could fill it.

Now, way back when, the very first time I met with her I was very nervous and wanted very badly to have the means to move to Knoxville. So when the subject of my significant other came up I let it go when she referred to Cris as 'he'. I immediately regretted the decision but what was done was done and after all, it isn't her business. We are working together professionally and I had no reason to go into my private life. But it always bugged me that I felt like I was lying to her. I never used pronouns. Always referring to Cris as Cris, but I knew I was being dishonest.

So when the time came that I was going to be around her for several hours at a time, watching her kids and being in her home, I felt it best to come clean. I could tell that she is conservative, so I knew it was a gamble, but I felt strongly that she should know.

The meeting and the coming out when WAY better than I thought. We talked for an hour about things like education, discipline, instilling morality and allergies. I was psyched. She ended the interview with wanting ME to think about it to make sure I really wanted to do it.

So, I sent her an email Friday saying that I was really excited about it and that I could start Wednesday, blah blah blah.

And then.

I get an email this morning saying that her and her husband are just not comfortable with it and thanks so much anyway.

I tried really hard to not let it bother me. I did. But ... what the hell? What does me being gay have to do with how well I care for your child? I have been babysitting since I was 12 and those kids are teenagers now and not one of THEM are gay! Do they think I am going to brain wash their kids or worse ... molest them?!? What exactly is going through their minds? I just don't understand. I knew this kind of ignorance existed but I really didn't think it was prevalent in today's society. I guess that is MY ignorance.

I am just so ... sad ... about it. I was really looking forward to it. But, there you go. Mom was right. Today, it made my life harder. It hit me personally and professionally and it is hard. I just have one thought about this. You don't learn to be gay, it isn't something that is taught. But ignorance and hate ARE TAUGHT. I only hope that those kids are lucky enough to find their own way and make their own decisions instead of being caught up in the cycle that their parent's obviously are.