Advertising that just doesn't make sense.

I sometimes joke that my career is to manufacture and design trash. Newsprint, by nature, usually has a one day shelf-life. I say it jokingly when jovial, and cry it when drinking tequila; and such is life.

I am proud to say, however, that I still take pride in my work. Tomorrows trash as it may be. And as is the case with every career choice, there is a bottom of the barrel for design and I have been lucky enough not to have reached it (as yet). This barrel bottom that I speak of is, in my opinion, banner and pop up ad design. This un-clicked web trash is so disposable it doesn't even make it to print. I HATE these ads. They are usually horribly designed and more than not, are part of a scam. Lose weight, get a degree, buy real estate ... your bank account will be robbed at a mere click.

What spurred this diatribe on internet advertising is this ad:



Let's critique, shall we?

Life insurance. Already not something I am going to buy from a web ad. That's the kind of thing that I want a piece of paper and a friendly face behind. I won't even go into the typography of the thing, or how the layout is so horrendous that you would have to actually pay me money to make me read the whole thing. In fact, where the words life insurance not larger and a different color, I wouldn't have any idea what the ad was for. Why wouldn't I know? Because the picture MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!!!! What the hell does a girl with really tightly pulled back hair and bad makeup, kissing a fake frog wearing a plastic crown that doesn't even fit his head have to do with LIFE INSURANCE?

I would claim to be speechless, except I just wrote a paragraph about how ridiculous it is. Why? Because it is ridiculous. And doesn't mean anything. I understand that Burger King does inappropriate commercials where girls are smacking their asses and trying to have sex with Spongebob Square Pants (or something) and that is supposed to sell hamburgers and that is what we call advertising these days but ... this life insurance ad crosses the line of suspended disbelief and verges on, nay, succeeds in; insulting my intelligence.

What the heck was this designer thinking? I understand how hard it is to come up with these ideas over and over again and that metaphors for life insurance are in short supply but come on!

And on top of that, it's fugly.

The end.

The unpredictability of the future, my sanity, and many many metaphors

Mine and Cris' life are in a place of flux. Things are constantly on the cusp of happening and we are fully aware that change is coming. What we are unaware of, is how large that change will be, when it will come, in what form and if it will truly allow us to exhale as completely as we hope. I realize I am speaking in code, however, at this point of hanging on there isn't much to say. Nothing has happened, and yet, things are in constant motion. It's too soon to tell. There are lights and a tunnel and the blazing and extinguishing of lights are so fast and frequent that they seem to be a candle flickering on a windy day in the tunnel. Maybe there is a train. It is a tunnel after all. Do you see what is happening? This is me losing my mind.

Because here is the thing: I am all for seeing where life takes me and unpredictability and spontaneity, except when life becomes Jell-o and you get suspended in the process of life. Hanging out, waiting for someone else to jiggle the plate. Metaphors are what happen when you have nothing to say.

There are so many conflicting emotions! I want things for Cris, I want things for myself, I want things for us as a couple and for our future and mostly, I just want the waiting for something good to happen to be over. I want there to be at least one set direction. There is a cross roads. There are like 12 signs, pointing in different directions and we are on a merry go round in the middle and wherever it stops, we have to follow that path and make the most out of it. And THAT is both frustrating and exciting.

Are you exhausted yet? Yeah, well, such has been our lives for the past ... 8 or 9 weeks. I have lost count. Crazy people in institutions lose count too. I realize, with all this whining that I am doing, that there are many many people in the same, similar, or worse boats than we are. There are so many people in these boats that the lake is damn crowded and folks are hitting each other over the head and fighting over the few fish that come to the surface.

I keep myself going by dreaming of all the possible outcomes. I dream about what would happen if this happened and what if that happened and today, today I just want to bake a cake and make it pretty and drink good coffee and read a book and be at peace. But, I am tired and there is much work to be done and slowly but surely, this week will drag on too. And slowly but surely, by the end of the week one or two more possibilities will become clearer in the murky water or disappear completely. And we will come to terms with the disappointment of lost opportunity and we will get excited over a new possible future. And we will soldier on until we finally catch the fish of our destiny. And there will be a feast.

Pretty sure I need to get some sleep. I am only this philosophical when I am sleepy. I could get a phd in philosophy so long as I get no more than 4 hours of sleep a night. That is a law of physics. Which I could never get a phd in because I barely passed high school physics. I am just going to hit publish post now and be done with it.

Shark Week tragedies

I have always had a passing interest in Shark Week. Basically, I watch it when I catch it. However, for my girlfriend Cris, it almost rivals the Super Bowl (ok, maybe I won't go that far. A playoff game maybe ... ). Therefore, I have been watching Shark Week all week long. yay.

Last night we were watching this show about shark attack survivors. It interested me enough that I was paying attention and we listened to several stories: the father, the thirteen year old girl, the young college student, the fisherman. There was only one that made Cris yell, "your stupid" and one that made Cris cry. Which stories you ask? Well, the one that was really the guys own stupidity was the spear fisherman. Honestly, you are hunting the same prey that the sharks eat and releasing their blood in the water. He was asking for it practically.

Which one made her cry you ask? Which one was so terrible, so horrendous and unthinkable that she cried? Oh, that was the one about the DOG. Yes. A dog. A small terrier. It was swimming under a dock, and it was attacked. The thing that I found incredible was the owner jumping in the water. THE SHARK INFESTED WATER and saving the dog. And before you cry too, yes, the dog lived.

This is not even close to being a new thing nor do I pretend to think that it is only Cris that falls prey to it (no pun intended). Why is it that people freak the frack out when they think that a dog or a cat is getting hurt but they don't give a rats ass about the three people that just died? What the hell is wrong with you people? Yep, I am lumping everyone else in the world into this category and I know what you are all thinking ... that I am heartless and horrible. You all are judging me because I don't watch the kitty cam in my free time at work. Well ... I just don't get it. And I certainly don't get why a dog getting attacked by a shark is more saddening than a kid. Jeez.

I am not NOT REPEAT: NOT SAYING that it isn't sad that the dog got bit by a shark. And, I think it is GREAT that he survived. He was cute. I just don't understand why a dog receives more empathy than a person. Please, feel free to enlighten me.

Wait wait wait

I think this one will actually be funny. That earlier blog post was just practice.

I am doing an article for the magazine about green products for the home. Sigh. I know, you don't have to tell me. Anywho, as I am looking at all of these products available, I am struck by two things.

1. People stretch the word "sustainable" pretty thin.
2. People buy stupid shit.

I LOVE the fact that you can buy "sustainable musical Instruments" and even more than that, I ADORE that you can buy them in a "family pack" OR "paint your own" (non-toxic, of course). Below is the product info for the Musical Instrument Family Pack:

The Musical Instruments Family Pack features authentic, rich-sounding instruments handcrafted by village artisans in Peru and Bali who wish to share their native musical traditions.

Collected by a unique fair trade company that helps engender a sustainable local economy in communities around the world.

Family Pack includes: 5 Instruments - Gourd Scraper w/ Rasp, Goat Hoof Shaker, Double Bell w/ Striker, Frame Drum, Large Coconut Claves; plus The Road to Jamtown Activity Guide, Simple Rhythm™ Cards & Jamtown Travel Bag.

Assembled in USA.

Goat Hoof Shaker?!?!? WTF. I also enjoy that it is "handcrafted by village artisans in Peru and Bali" and also "assembled in USA". And probably my favorite thing about this is the frequent use of the word "Jamtown" which both makes me giggle and also makes me think of strawberry jam.

Something in me just thinks that charging $68 for a "100% recycled Rubber Clock" that is made of scrap metal and an old tire is a little like spitting on me and telling me it's raining.

The really really sad part is that I am about to perpetuate all of this crap by writing a nice fluffy magazine piece about how you don't ACTUALLY have to do anything differently to save the environment, when, we all know it is really a crock of consumerist shit. Ahhhhhh, the world feels right again. Let's all go drive a hummer, because as long as we buy soy candles, the Earth will be just fine!

For the love

OMG, I desperately need to put some funny up in here because this place is getting depressing. So ... movies. What a nice un-offensive topic!

This has been a great summer for movies. Unfortunately I haven't really seen any of them, but I have wanted to see almost everything that has hit the theater. I have a free movie ticket burning a whole in my pocket to go see Harry Potter, something I have to see more out of obligation to my obsession than any real want. After all, I already know what is going to happen. Why can't I just let these things go? (Uh, I am letting Twilight go, however, that is one unhealthy obsession that I have cut out of my life. There should be some sort of Twilight's Anonymous meeting to help people with that shit. Seriously.)

Cris and I are trying to take advantage of the dollar theater in Knoxville. Of course by dollar theater, I mean the $2 theater. The theater that up until last week let you get a combo and for $4 you could get a medium drink and popcorn AND YOUR MOVIE TICKET. Hot damn that is a good deal. And then they ripped my heart out and took that deal away. So, on Sunday, Cris and I went and saw "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" which I would never have paid to see in a normal theater. I have to say though, for a romantic comedy and, even worse, a Charles Dickens romantic comedy adaptation at that, it was half-way decent. Cute, even. I think being a relationship is making me soft. Matthew McConaughey, you stole my pride.

What happened to the days when I was a borderline movie buff? When I saw everything worth seeing in the theater and everything else on dvd. I guess part of it is just growing up and part of it is lack of funds and part of it is that I am no longer a blockbuster employee. Dude, I saw EVERYTHING when I was a blockbuster employee. Still, I can't believe I am not seeing at least the action films .. Transformers, Terminator, Public Enemies .. in the theater ... with the big screen and the loud speakers and the darkness and the yummy popcorn! Oh my youth, where have you gone?

We did go see The Hangover on Friday (again, we had tickets) and it was really really funny. We needed something light-hearted and it really delivered. I haven't seen a comedy that good in years. I would recommend it to anyone. Except don't watch the pictures at the end of the credits. They cross a line that no lesbian wants to witness.

We also splurged on Friday and got a combo at the concession stand. Why is it that "concession" has become code for "rip-off"? I could write a manifesto on how ridiculous it is that two drinks and a popcorn where nearly $20 but this is supposed to be light-hearted. ;)

The truth, my friends, is that there are many a-changes afoot in my life and we are just sort of waiting to hear on the job front for Cris and it is consuming my thoughts. Consuming them to the point that trying to think of entertaining blog posts is beyond my reach. But I love the outlet that this blog allows me. It lets me feel like people care ... LET ME KEEP MY ILLUSIONS!

Movies help us escape from the crazy in life. Hence me watching .... 4. Yes, four movies this weekend. Passing time with suspended disbelief seemed just the thing to do. Welcome back, my favorite past time. I missed you!

Not a piece of meat

I have thought long and hard about this post. It is a reaction to my friend Rachel's post on her blog, Called to Grow. You can read it here: Trophy Wife Tuesday. I hope for this to be an intelligent, not emotional, reaction to Rachel's blog (I think I fail there towards the end). And I hope she doesn't take this personally.

At first, I thought her post was a joke. Mostly, because, the Rachel I know is a head strong, independent woman. But after I finished it, I realized she was serious and I got seriously concerned. The term "trophy wife" is usually, in my experience, a derogatory term. Rachel sites Websters definition, well, I site Urbandictionary.com: 1. A young, attractive woman married to an older, more powerful man.
2. a woman who marries for money and sits at home all day looking pretty
3. A typically educated girl who marries rich and is a home maker or who's roll is to stay home and look pretty, play tennis, do charity etc. Lots of girls now a days go through college then take this roll because they are the perfect girl for a certain person and would rather spend their time at home and let their husband bring home the bread. They are the girly girls.

I site Urbandictionary.com because it is a Wiki, and while it may not be an "authority" like Websters, it does site the common knowledge of the masses. And those three definitions are what common knowledge says about trophy wives. And in my eyes, they are not favorable.

In my own opinion, a trophy wife lowers a woman's rights and status to little more than a piece of meat to be traded. In those two words, multitudes are said, including that a woman's fate is not her own for deciding, but that she is at the mercy of a man to see her as worthy and bring her up to his world of money and luxury (assuming that a woman can't achieve that on her own), it also says that a woman can be discarded just as quickly as she ages and loses the beauty that brought her to her status.

Rachel also consulted askmen.com, reading an article called Fine Living: How to find a trophy wife. She claims that this article has "some meat to it". Well, I disagree. Just because it says that a woman should be college educated, doesn't make it ok that they also say:
"Forced intimacy: You may have doubts about her intentions when the only names she calls out during sex are those of dead presidents. "
"Capital depletion: Outrageous spending binges are par for the course, so when you blow up over the monthly statements, expect a singular defense: trophy wife entitlement."
"Ask yourself what you expect from such a union, what roles you expect her to fulfill, and be ready to negotiate. Imagine the time and energy you intend to devote to sealing the prenup; it’s common sense to apply equal planning to the marriage itself."

These three quotes show that a trophy wife is nothing more than a sexual slave, status symbol and someone who needs to be babysat and not trusted.

And then, Rachel lists a long list of scripture that shows the virtues of a trophy wife. Well, I am going to list a few examples of my own from the bible that speak to the role of woman and their rights:

Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Timothy 2:11-15
Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing.

So, these are my examples of why I disagree with Rachel that being a trophy wife is something you should strive for. But, I want to try to express it in my own words.

My thoughts are, if you want to improve yourself, that is AWESOME. We should all try to be the best versions of ourselves that we can. However, we (man or woman) should have the self-confidence to do that for ourselves, not for our husband or wife. No one should attach their self worth to how good of a husband they can catch. Because, if you love yourself and have a sense of self worth than you won't attract someone who will treat you badly, or who doesn't want the best for themselves as well. When both people in the relationship are happy with themselves, it makes for a lovely match. No one should have to improve themselves in order to be equal to another. You are perfect the way you are. You are the light of the world ... oh wait, I am starting to sound like Jesus. Crazy me. I can tell I am getting petty, so I will leave you with a link to more awesome biblical quotes that will teach all of us women what are place is in life and exactly how men should treat us.
Why women and the bible don't mix

Politics and religion

I try to avoid both of these subjects in my blog. Mostly because I have lots of friends with views that oppose my own and I would like to keep them as friends. Also, I don't like being serious because it is boring. But sometimes I read an article, or a subject gets under my skin just enough that I really need to rant about it. So, if you don't want to hear about health care and abortion, stop reading now.

The article that started this brain riot is here: Abortion is latest controversy in health overhaul

Now, the article basically discusses how abortion opponents are mad because there is no clear language in the health care bill that explicitly denies abortion. Which has to be the stupidest f-ing thing I have heard this week. FIRST OF ALL, abortion is a legal medical procedure that is performed in this country. Let's just make that clear. And if an abortion is NECESSARY, even a late term one ... no. ESPECIALLY a late term abortion, then it should be covered under whatever health care a person has. However, before you start freaking out too much and calling me a baby killer ... hear me out.

One thing that I do not think should be covered under the national health care system is optional or unnecessary procedures and medications. I don't want to pay for your viagra or your nose job. Unless your nose became deformed in a terrible accident. Then maybe. There are just so many gray lines. My point is this: should the women who use abortion as birth control get their abortions covered by the government? No, absolutely not. But should mothers who's pregnancies become toxic to their bodies be able to get an abortion? Yes. Or when the child is going to be born with severe mental and physical abnormalities? Yes. Or when a 13 year old is raped by her father or uncle and becomes pregnant? Without a doubt. And just like there shouldn't be language in our constitution that defines marriage as between a man and a woman, there shouldn't be language in a health care bill that prohibits a legal procedure.

Let me reinforce that CURRENTLY, ABORTION IS NOT MENTIONED IN THE BILL. It is anti-abortion lobbyists and activists that are trying to get it specifically excluded. The potential rights infringement that this could cause would be nothing short of illegal based on previously ruled upon abortion laws that are in place in this country. I am tired of conservatives trying to create laws of exclusion in this country. That isn't what America is about. It is supposed to be a country of inclusion. Somewhere along the way we have forgotten that.