I don't usually use this blog to talk about fitness stuff, but, desperate times guys, desperate times. I am soooo uninspired to stay in shape at the moment. It is horrible. I have stopped going to the gym (can't really afford the gym) and my running attempts have been fairly pathetic ... the problem is getting motivated to do stuff. I am fine once I get going. It's just the getting my butt out of bed.
Yes, I have gained a tiny bit of weight. Yes, I remember how hard I worked to get it off. Yes, I am royally pissed that some of my summer clothes don't fit. Yes, I am trying to do something about it.
So, today, whilst at work, I am also browsing some internet fitness bloggy blogs. For some reason reading about stuff really gets me going. So, here I am, cruising along for stuff to inspire me, when I find this:
http://www.housegymnastics.com
And while I am incredibly tempted to try some of these I realize a few things:
1A. I am not an eighteen year old boy.
1B. I can't do any of that, I am fairly sure.
1C. Our house would break.
So, probably no house gymnastics for me. I do LOVE though, that they do exhibitions and shows. For serious. It's on their site. With appearance dates and everything. Who the hell are these kids?
I guess you have to give them props for making something out of appsofreakinglootly nothing. Who wants to put money on them being drunk when this started? I will give them this ... they follow through.
They should totally organize a house gymnastics Olympics! I would go. To watch. And drink. Because you know those kids have a kegorator.
P.S. I am pretty sure I am going to try one or all of these. I will totally post some pics if/when I do.
P.P.S. For some reason, it is not letting me set the link up as a link. Grrrr. Stupid blogger. I am sure it is user error. Just cut and paste into your browser you lazies.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Why do you rip my heart out Hollywood?
They are remaking Footloose.
WHY!?!?!?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE FIRST ONE? Kevin Bacon is alive and well people! The music: still very relevant. The dancing: I whip out those moves in dance-offs to this day. The fashion: ruffles are back big time. So what gives?
Also, Zac Efron was supposed to be in it. I actually like Zac Efron. He's a cutey and his acting isn't horrendous and I would hate him a lot were it not for Hairspray, which stole my heart. But then he dropped the project. I wonder why? OH PROBABLY BECAUSE HE REALIZED HE HAD A SOUL AND THAT YOU SHOULDN'T REMAKE FOOTLOOSE!!!!
So now there is this random star from CW who looks vaguely like Zac Efron and I am here to say: that movie is going to blow. (link to his IMDB page if you don't believe me that he is a Zac rip off: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2003700/)
My heart aches and now I am going to go dance it off ... excuse me please.
This just in: both Hayden Panettiere and Miley Cyrus are both rumored to want in. Dear God this is SO NOT GETTING BETTER!
And it just keeps getting worse because apparently it is a remake of the Broadway musical. Which .. was supposed to have sucked. So it is a musical. Now I am just sobbing uncontrollably.
WHY!?!?!?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE FIRST ONE? Kevin Bacon is alive and well people! The music: still very relevant. The dancing: I whip out those moves in dance-offs to this day. The fashion: ruffles are back big time. So what gives?
Also, Zac Efron was supposed to be in it. I actually like Zac Efron. He's a cutey and his acting isn't horrendous and I would hate him a lot were it not for Hairspray, which stole my heart. But then he dropped the project. I wonder why? OH PROBABLY BECAUSE HE REALIZED HE HAD A SOUL AND THAT YOU SHOULDN'T REMAKE FOOTLOOSE!!!!
So now there is this random star from CW who looks vaguely like Zac Efron and I am here to say: that movie is going to blow. (link to his IMDB page if you don't believe me that he is a Zac rip off: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2003700/)
My heart aches and now I am going to go dance it off ... excuse me please.
This just in: both Hayden Panettiere and Miley Cyrus are both rumored to want in. Dear God this is SO NOT GETTING BETTER!
And it just keeps getting worse because apparently it is a remake of the Broadway musical. Which .. was supposed to have sucked. So it is a musical. Now I am just sobbing uncontrollably.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Poor dead beaver
I can't seem to focus. It's been a little over a week. Maybe it is stress, maybe it is Mom having been ill, maybe it is allergies. Could be anything. Whatever the cause, I have been trying to think of blog posts to put up and everything either seems too depressing or I get distracted. It seemed REALLY important that my next blog post be hilarious. But I realized that my humor lately is quite dark. I am not sure that has changed, however I am going to blog anyway. I have to jump in with both feet. Go ahead, the water is fine :)
One idea that I have been obsessed with for a while is this dead beaver on the side of the road. There are maybe six different roads I can take at the very end of my otherwise monotonous drive to work and I like to change them up. Add a little spice to my routine. But my favorite road winds down into downtown Maryville and puts you out at the base of the park. It is a beautiful view. When the weather and the sun is just right, it can be breathtaking. One day, about a week and a half ago, on the side of this road, was a Beaver that had become roadkill.
I was in a strange mood that day and I said out loud to myself, "Poor dead beaver". You don't see Beavers, alive or dead, very often these days. (Strangely enough, Cris and I saw a live beaver just a few days later) The beaver was lying on it's side. Facing away from traffic, with his head near the road. He was largely intact, from what I could tell. It looked to be an instant and painless death. I felt sad for the beaver, but went on with my day.
The next day, I happened to take the same route. The traffic was backed up at the light and it was faster. Nothing more, nothing less. And there was the beaver! His position had changed slightly, he was bloating up from being in the sun and it looked like animals were starting to get to his body. The beaver was being humiliated. Again I said, "Poor dead beaver".
Now the NEXT day I went back down that road on purpose. This was turning into my little science experiment, watching the decay of this poor dead creature on the side of the road. So when I turned the corner and the beaver was missing, I was sad for a moment. No dead beaver! What I did notice, however, was the mysterious ... stain left by the beaver. And now I have this obsession. Because the stain is still there. Beaver stain. I look FORWARD to it. How sick is that? I drive down that road every day, craning my neck to see the beaver stain. And I say it outloud. "Beaver stain" I am sure there is some Fruedianism in there somewhere or maybe a lesson to learn from the beaver. I do wonder where it went sometimes, did the city come and scoop him up with a shovel? Did a bigger animal drag him off as a snack? I won't ever know.
I am watching to see how long the stain lingers. It is on pavement, so surely it will fade. That is my new expirement. To follow the course of the stain. Poor dead beaver.
One idea that I have been obsessed with for a while is this dead beaver on the side of the road. There are maybe six different roads I can take at the very end of my otherwise monotonous drive to work and I like to change them up. Add a little spice to my routine. But my favorite road winds down into downtown Maryville and puts you out at the base of the park. It is a beautiful view. When the weather and the sun is just right, it can be breathtaking. One day, about a week and a half ago, on the side of this road, was a Beaver that had become roadkill.
I was in a strange mood that day and I said out loud to myself, "Poor dead beaver". You don't see Beavers, alive or dead, very often these days. (Strangely enough, Cris and I saw a live beaver just a few days later) The beaver was lying on it's side. Facing away from traffic, with his head near the road. He was largely intact, from what I could tell. It looked to be an instant and painless death. I felt sad for the beaver, but went on with my day.
The next day, I happened to take the same route. The traffic was backed up at the light and it was faster. Nothing more, nothing less. And there was the beaver! His position had changed slightly, he was bloating up from being in the sun and it looked like animals were starting to get to his body. The beaver was being humiliated. Again I said, "Poor dead beaver".
Now the NEXT day I went back down that road on purpose. This was turning into my little science experiment, watching the decay of this poor dead creature on the side of the road. So when I turned the corner and the beaver was missing, I was sad for a moment. No dead beaver! What I did notice, however, was the mysterious ... stain left by the beaver. And now I have this obsession. Because the stain is still there. Beaver stain. I look FORWARD to it. How sick is that? I drive down that road every day, craning my neck to see the beaver stain. And I say it outloud. "Beaver stain" I am sure there is some Fruedianism in there somewhere or maybe a lesson to learn from the beaver. I do wonder where it went sometimes, did the city come and scoop him up with a shovel? Did a bigger animal drag him off as a snack? I won't ever know.
I am watching to see how long the stain lingers. It is on pavement, so surely it will fade. That is my new expirement. To follow the course of the stain. Poor dead beaver.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Token this, token that
I would not say I get "annoyed" with people when they call a non-WASP character in a movie a "token" something but ... I don't get it.
Token black guy, token fat guy, token gay guy ... first off, it's always the guy. Maybe not, token ugly chick, token hot chick, token cheerleader ... are these characters "token" or are they diversity? Maybe they are token when they are a caricature or a stereo-type? Because that doesn't seem to be it. It just seems like if there is a cast of people and there is one black guy he is the "token" black guy. Like, they had to add some minority so people wouldn't come after them or something.
The rambling, confused, less pointed than usual consistency of this post should tell you that I am not trying to make a point. I honestly don't get it and would love for someone to explain it to me. I suppose I could google it. After all, that is what I tell people to do when they ask me a stupid ass question.
BRB *************
LOOK! Google did not fail! There is a wikipedia article about it! Never mind that it was flagged by about three "this may be complete bullshit" tags.
Read on reader:
Tokenism refers to a policy or practice of limited inclusion of members of a minority group, usually creating a false appearance of inclusive practices, intentional or not. Typical examples in real life and fiction include purposely including a member of a minority race (such as a black character in a mainly white cast, or vice versa) into a group. Classically, token characters have some reduced capacity compared to the other characters and may have bland or inoffensive personalities so as to not be accused of stereotyping negative traits. Alternatively, their differences may be overemphasized or made "exotic" and glamorous.
So ... whatev. I don't buy it. Embrace the tokenism.
Token black guy, token fat guy, token gay guy ... first off, it's always the guy. Maybe not, token ugly chick, token hot chick, token cheerleader ... are these characters "token" or are they diversity? Maybe they are token when they are a caricature or a stereo-type? Because that doesn't seem to be it. It just seems like if there is a cast of people and there is one black guy he is the "token" black guy. Like, they had to add some minority so people wouldn't come after them or something.
The rambling, confused, less pointed than usual consistency of this post should tell you that I am not trying to make a point. I honestly don't get it and would love for someone to explain it to me. I suppose I could google it. After all, that is what I tell people to do when they ask me a stupid ass question.
BRB *************
LOOK! Google did not fail! There is a wikipedia article about it! Never mind that it was flagged by about three "this may be complete bullshit" tags.
Read on reader:
Tokenism refers to a policy or practice of limited inclusion of members of a minority group, usually creating a false appearance of inclusive practices, intentional or not. Typical examples in real life and fiction include purposely including a member of a minority race (such as a black character in a mainly white cast, or vice versa) into a group. Classically, token characters have some reduced capacity compared to the other characters and may have bland or inoffensive personalities so as to not be accused of stereotyping negative traits. Alternatively, their differences may be overemphasized or made "exotic" and glamorous.
So ... whatev. I don't buy it. Embrace the tokenism.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I'm sorry, you do what again?
As most of you know, Cris (my gf) is looking for a job. Of course, being the awesome gf that I am, I help her look. It is NOT a good time to be looking for a job, just in case you have been living under a rock and have no idea. However, I have noticed one career area that seems to be thriving and there are, in fact, plenty of openings. Social or new media managers. For those of you that aren't sure exactly what that means, let me spell it out for you. THEY GET PAID TO PLAY ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER ALL DAY!
Now, before anyone starts making pointed jokes (har har har, isn't that what you do all day Anja?) - No. I get paid to do design work and I am really good at multi tasking and I have a lot of widgits that allow me to have a strong online presence while still getting all my work done (otherwise known as: I am the shit.). These people actually do this as a job description! Let me share with you a portion of an average posting for this position:
1. Create a facebook, twitter and myspace page for your company.
2. Friend your customers and target audience.
3. Communicate both special deals as well as company 'personality' on these pages. Be fun! Be young! Be hip!
4. See little to no effect because your target audience is actually younger, smarter and DEFINTELY hipper than you or your overpaid social or new madia manager.
I realize that I am plugging my gf and her career here but I honestly think that a balance between regular old advertising (albiet maybe in a different place than the past) and community relations projects are the best way to build a brand. Because you don't actually have to SELL anything if you build a strong enough brand. Your customers will come to you. Need an example? Try Nike, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Apple ... hell, even McDonalds! The list goes on and YES these things can happen on a smaller, more local scale. If you need help with that ... I know a great PR lady who is available for hire ;)
Now, before anyone starts making pointed jokes (har har har, isn't that what you do all day Anja?) - No. I get paid to do design work and I am really good at multi tasking and I have a lot of widgits that allow me to have a strong online presence while still getting all my work done (otherwise known as: I am the shit.). These people actually do this as a job description! Let me share with you a portion of an average posting for this position:
- Develop and execute a digital marketing plan delivering marketing programs that drive revenue including email campaigns, and blogger outreach. (I.E. set up a facebook and twitter page)
- Keep abreast of emerging internet trends and investigate, recommend and implement new technologies and programs to improve e-marketing program effectiveness. (I.E. Join Beta's)
- Analyze competitors’ online presence and digital marketing strategy, including website structure and content. (I.E. send friends requests to our competitors)
- Work with the marketing team to develop audience-specific messaging, plan targeted communications and identify content additions and design modifications to the Web/Blog/Social Media sites. (I.E. Fuck around all day on twitter with the guys in marketing )
1. Create a facebook, twitter and myspace page for your company.
2. Friend your customers and target audience.
3. Communicate both special deals as well as company 'personality' on these pages. Be fun! Be young! Be hip!
4. See little to no effect because your target audience is actually younger, smarter and DEFINTELY hipper than you or your overpaid social or new madia manager.
I realize that I am plugging my gf and her career here but I honestly think that a balance between regular old advertising (albiet maybe in a different place than the past) and community relations projects are the best way to build a brand. Because you don't actually have to SELL anything if you build a strong enough brand. Your customers will come to you. Need an example? Try Nike, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Apple ... hell, even McDonalds! The list goes on and YES these things can happen on a smaller, more local scale. If you need help with that ... I know a great PR lady who is available for hire ;)
Monday, May 11, 2009
How did I wind up with this bleeding heart?
I feel the need to preface this post with: I love my father and he is my hero. That said:
I spent this weekend at my parents for Mother's Day (mommy shout out!) and had a really nice time. I got to chill out a little and for once, did not over schedule myself. Saturday night was spent with just a few friends and my parents, talking about old times and face transplants. Good stuff! Surprisingly, this post is NOT about the face transplant part of that conversation. Didn't see that coming did you?
As long as I can remember, my Dad has been mortifying me with inappropriate jokes. I *think* it is how he shows his love ... by making racist, homophobic (yes, he knows he has a gay daughter, more on that later) and anti-liberal jokes. He honestly does not mean them*. He just knows that they bother me. But, what I don't understand, is how I got to be that way. Because, the thing is, this has been going on since I was very young. Logically, the credit should go to my mother for instilling such a strong moral compass in me and probably a little to my father for his actions speaking louder than his crude words.
He shared some of his comedic gold with us Saturday night and it brought up more than a few memories that I am mortified and shocked to share with you. I think I am going to compile them into a list of top 5 most inappropriate moments with my father (that I can think of off the top of my head, right at this moment).
5. I learned to shoot a gun sometime around the age of ten.**
4. He has been trying to convince me for at least 10 years that it honestly is not fair that African-Americans get to use "the N word".
3. One of his pet names for me as a kid was "water head baby".
2. My strongest memories of my father from my middle school years are of us staying up late and watching Howard Stern together.
1. The following dialogue occurred between us less than a year ago:
Dad to me: Hey, where can I buy gay pride stickers?
Me: I am not answering that.
Dad: Why? (laughing hysterically)
Me: Because I don't trust you. What do you want them for?
Dad: I want a "Proud to be a gay plumber sticker" to put on the back of a guy at works truck. As a joke.
Me: That is offensive.
Dad: Why?!?
Me: Because!
Dad: But it's funny. He will be so upset!
Me: That is why it is offensive.
Dad: What do you mean? ....
It kept going. For about 20 minutes I tried to explain to him why it is offensive. I trust my audience does not need the same explanation.
* I think.
** In both of my parents defense, we had guns in the house and we merely learned to shoot them for safety reasons. I only put this on the list because I am so adamantly against guns now. BTW, Gun control is the number one reason my father is a republican. Which, along with watching Fox News, I also think he only does to annoy me.
I spent this weekend at my parents for Mother's Day (mommy shout out!) and had a really nice time. I got to chill out a little and for once, did not over schedule myself. Saturday night was spent with just a few friends and my parents, talking about old times and face transplants. Good stuff! Surprisingly, this post is NOT about the face transplant part of that conversation. Didn't see that coming did you?
As long as I can remember, my Dad has been mortifying me with inappropriate jokes. I *think* it is how he shows his love ... by making racist, homophobic (yes, he knows he has a gay daughter, more on that later) and anti-liberal jokes. He honestly does not mean them*. He just knows that they bother me. But, what I don't understand, is how I got to be that way. Because, the thing is, this has been going on since I was very young. Logically, the credit should go to my mother for instilling such a strong moral compass in me and probably a little to my father for his actions speaking louder than his crude words.
He shared some of his comedic gold with us Saturday night and it brought up more than a few memories that I am mortified and shocked to share with you. I think I am going to compile them into a list of top 5 most inappropriate moments with my father (that I can think of off the top of my head, right at this moment).
5. I learned to shoot a gun sometime around the age of ten.**
4. He has been trying to convince me for at least 10 years that it honestly is not fair that African-Americans get to use "the N word".
3. One of his pet names for me as a kid was "water head baby".
2. My strongest memories of my father from my middle school years are of us staying up late and watching Howard Stern together.
1. The following dialogue occurred between us less than a year ago:
Dad to me: Hey, where can I buy gay pride stickers?
Me: I am not answering that.
Dad: Why? (laughing hysterically)
Me: Because I don't trust you. What do you want them for?
Dad: I want a "Proud to be a gay plumber sticker" to put on the back of a guy at works truck. As a joke.
Me: That is offensive.
Dad: Why?!?
Me: Because!
Dad: But it's funny. He will be so upset!
Me: That is why it is offensive.
Dad: What do you mean? ....
It kept going. For about 20 minutes I tried to explain to him why it is offensive. I trust my audience does not need the same explanation.
* I think.
** In both of my parents defense, we had guns in the house and we merely learned to shoot them for safety reasons. I only put this on the list because I am so adamantly against guns now. BTW, Gun control is the number one reason my father is a republican. Which, along with watching Fox News, I also think he only does to annoy me.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I am funniest when I speak to myself
I am pretty sure I have written a post before on how I talk to myself in the car. In fact I know I have because I just checked my archives and I did in a post called
Talking heads and why I am a villain. you should read it. I didn't, but I am sure I was HILARIOUS. Regardless (Irregardless ... you know who you are) the reason I bring this up is that a friend of mine and I have decided we want to do an amateur stand up. I know I am funny. And she is funny. So why not? I have always secretly wanted to do stand up so I figure I should give it a shot. That way I don't end up in my 60's with some ridiculous bucket list that I have no hope of completing without an intervention from Jack Nicholson (sorry if I got some of that detail wrong, I never did see the movie).
This is all related because, sometimes, when I am talking to myself in the car, I start saying things and I think to myself, 'that would be good stand up!' (I realize that I just took this to a whole new level of crazy). But, I have a terrible memory for things that aren't dramatic so I just forget them. Enter the voice recorder. I need to get a voice recorder and start recording myself while I am in the car. Aside from the proof that I am an absolute loon, I think that the world would gain quite a bit of insight and hilarity from the result.
So, if anyone gets the inkling, or an extra 30 bux is burning a hole in your pocket, you should wander on over to amazon and buy me one. Look! I even put in a button to my wishlist! And look! They have refurbished ones starting at $24.99! What!?! That is a crazy good deal!
Note: Whomever buys me the recorder will be guaranteed unrestricted, unedited access to the resulting dialogue. Think of it as a science experiment/reality audio. This could be good stuff.
Talking heads and why I am a villain. you should read it. I didn't, but I am sure I was HILARIOUS. Regardless (Irregardless ... you know who you are) the reason I bring this up is that a friend of mine and I have decided we want to do an amateur stand up. I know I am funny. And she is funny. So why not? I have always secretly wanted to do stand up so I figure I should give it a shot. That way I don't end up in my 60's with some ridiculous bucket list that I have no hope of completing without an intervention from Jack Nicholson (sorry if I got some of that detail wrong, I never did see the movie).
This is all related because, sometimes, when I am talking to myself in the car, I start saying things and I think to myself, 'that would be good stand up!' (I realize that I just took this to a whole new level of crazy). But, I have a terrible memory for things that aren't dramatic so I just forget them. Enter the voice recorder. I need to get a voice recorder and start recording myself while I am in the car. Aside from the proof that I am an absolute loon, I think that the world would gain quite a bit of insight and hilarity from the result.
So, if anyone gets the inkling, or an extra 30 bux is burning a hole in your pocket, you should wander on over to amazon and buy me one. Look! I even put in a button to my wishlist! And look! They have refurbished ones starting at $24.99! What!?! That is a crazy good deal!
Note: Whomever buys me the recorder will be guaranteed unrestricted, unedited access to the resulting dialogue. Think of it as a science experiment/reality audio. This could be good stuff.
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