Talking heads and why I am a villain.

I know for a fact that I am not the only person that talks to themselves in the car. I admit this to people fairly often, because I am not ashamed, and mostly people tell me that they do it too. Those of us that are this kind of crazy (I won't name names) have, up until recently, been shamed into silence when we reach a stop light or sign lest the person in the car next to us think we are totally insane. But then along came hands free cell phones and AHHHHHHHhhhhhhh, big sigh of relief, we don't look crazy anymore! Well, we do, but people don't bat an eye anymore at someone who appears to be talking to themselves.

The thing is, I am not crazy, I just think better out loud. And I don't live by myself anymore so the car is really the only opportunity I have to think things through. It is like therapy for me. I replay conversations that have gone badly, I practice tough conversations that are ahead, and I figure out the best way to phrase stuff that would otherwise sound mean. Because I tend to sound mean. I have come to terms with that. My mother used to say to me, "You should look in the mirror when you say things sometimes". She said that a lot actually. Because, although I think I am just being truthful, or frank. I, apparently, am being mean.

The positive thing here is that these "practice sessions" of mine, help keep be from coming across this way. Because I have come to grips with the fact that I am a mean person. I REALLY ALMOST NEVER TRY TO BE! That is the worst part. If only the world knew how nice I was. Sigh. I like to think that if I am mad at you, you know it. But apparently, you **know** it even when I don't.

I used to be friends with this girl who got away with being an asshole all the time. She could say things in the most adorable way ... things like, "You have such a messed up face!" but then she would giggle and bat her eyelashes and everyone just thought it was adorable. How the hell do people get away with that?!? I wish someone would let me in on it, because when I bat my eyelashes I just get asked if there is something in my eye and they tell me it serves me right because I am a big fat meanie face.

So, I guess if you are ever talking to me, and I say something mean ... tell me I need more practice or hand me a mirror or something. I don't take offense. I get it, I am doomed to be a villain. I don't like puppies or kittens, I am mean without trying, and I don't get the baby thing. See ... villain.